My Saving Grace

Today is marathon eve for me, and this post has been on my heart and mind since before marathon training even began. It's something I know I want and need to share, but it's a transparent and vulnerable side that I've never shared with most. But, it's what got me to where I am today and it's part of me and my testimony. It's my "why". Why do I run, and why do I choose marathons? Let me tell you...

I was never a fit kid, I didn't want to sweat and if sweating was involved I was out.  Around junior high, I started running. I enjoyed it, oddly enough, but only did it for leisure. I was not interested in track team or running because anyone was making me. I was pretty good at it, and found so much enjoyment in the freedom of a good run. Now, I wasn't running far and was mostly on the treadmill watching Oprah, but it was still freeing after a long day of school, drama, and the normal madness a teenager faces- those were such hard days, HA! The older I got, the more sense I tended to lose and fall prey to more of the enemy's lies. I had a terrible body image, I was a perfectionist, and I was not grounded enough in my faith when I ran off to college. I was ready to spread my wings and fly. I really got into running more then, I was in heaven on earth (Auburn) and loved taking runs around campus. I even had a jogging class as an elective my first semester (and I Aced it!). I didn't really understand balance, and was bound and determined to succeed in college.  I stayed home most Sundays to study or rest and did not think anything of it, I was running more, eating less, and becoming a little more consumed with all of it each day.  It didn't take long for this to become a full blown addiction, the freedom I had loved about running was now holding me as a prisoner- I had to run further and harder each day. The even more prominent bondage was food, I had to survive on a little less each day. It became disgusting and terrifying to me, I forgot what hunger was because my body was in complete starvation. Runs were hard, walking was a struggle. Everyone around me was terrified, but I was completely dead in this monster and naive as to anything that was happening to my body. After at least millions of prayers from just my parents, I woke up one day and realized something was wrong. I was weak, exhausted, and dying. I was anorexic. HOW did something like this happen to someone like ME. One word- sin. I allowed the enemy to completely take over, and it almost killed me. My heart was overworked and undernourished as was my entire body. Doctors were worried, my family was terrified, I was scared, but thankfully I was in the hands of the Great Physician. I saw counselors and nutritionists, some were absolutely amazing while others were not. It was a long, long road. I was completely forbidden to do anymore than walk to the bathroom all while feeding my body more food than it could handle, literally. I was so sick and weak, I knew it was nothing short of a miracle I even survived, but I just wanted my life back and I wanted to run again. The doctors gave me goals- when I hit a certain weight I could run again- no more than a mile, but I could run. The time from barely any weight to goal run again weight was a time of spiritual maturity unlike I had ever grown before. It was still SO hard. But, with nothing less than God's amazing grace, running became my saving grace. I, thanks to many prayers and complete divine intervention, reached this first goal weight and ran for the first time in a long time. It was a new freedom, freedom I had never experienced before , and it was glorious. I cried, I prayed, I was so thankful. I kept running and I kept aiming for a healthy, normal weight and body image. I ran and ran, and didn't stop running until I crossed the finish line of my first marathon- with a Boston qualifying time.
 I don't remember the exact statistics, but in a clinical view of anorexia, no one survives without relapsing. Very few survive and gain freedom from this demon this side of heaven. I survived, I didn't relapse and I ran a marathon to celebrate recovery.  Please please please don't think I had anything to do with any of this- it was God- 100% God. I didn't have the strength to stand, and a few months later I was running. I gained a new appreciation for my body, it works so hard and is put together so perfectly- it works so hard every second. Of course, I don't think everything is perfect and beautiful now, I've birthed two babies and I think doughnuts are a gift from the heavens, but it doesn't consume my mind. I may think "oh, that needs work" then I move on. I do have strong feelings about food and the food supply, only because I want to take care and contribute to the body and health I have been granted. 
Since this battle, I run with a new appreciation for the strength and health to be able to run. It reminds me of how hopeless I am without the hope I have in Christ. It reminds me of what a gracious God we serve, I was lost in lies and sin and he waited for me with open arms. It reminds me of all I've been blessed with, more than once I was told I probably wouldn't have an easy time if I decided to have a family and I am pushing a double jogger full of baby girls more than I'm not when I go for runs. It reminds me to not be judgemental and to forgive, this can happen to anyone, we are only where we are by the grace of God. It reminds me to pray every second of every day for my babies and their hearts, we live in such a fallen world and I can't save them, but I know who can.
I don't know what this marathon will hold tomorrow, it may be great or it may be disastrous. But thanks be to God I'm here and able to run it! 
And if you think Satan himself wasn't behind this, I've been kicked off two computers and had to reset a password twice just to get this shared :) To God be the glory!

Catch Up!

Once again, I've fallen behind on updating you on our little family happenings. We've been busy little bees, and in my defense- our computers are in my husband's office in the basement and there is currently a Barbie mansion covered in a bed sheet that "Santa" (AKA Wei and Peeps) dropped off for our girls for Christmas. It would be impossible to keep them from finding it, so blogging has been obsolete in our attempt to keep the mansion a surprise. 
Our little loves both had birthdays. Emersyn Ruth turned 3 years old and Edyn Rose had her first birthday. We had a wonderful time celebrating both of their sweet little lives. They had a little party with family and friends who have become family. We had lots of cake, cookies, and candy and enjoyed the precious time together. The girls are both such a blessing, I can't believe they have been trusted to us and that they are growing up so quickly! I pray we are able to pour into them fruitfully each and every day. 
Soon after, we celebrated Thanksgiving, a small little celebration with my dad in town. It was simple and sweet but gave us such sweet memories. Our family is so thankful for all of the blessings we have been given.  
Now, here we are in December! Marathon training has been completed and we are ready for our big race on Saturday! I've been burdened and am preparing a post on that later this week. For now, the baby's awake, and she had shots today :(  

Toxic Life

So, earlier today I told you all about two sweet babies who have my heart, now I have to share a big topic that has been on my heart. Maybe you can relate, maybe it will get your wheels spinning, or maybe you just think I am crazy. Any of the above are fine :) My head and heart have been so wrapped up in all of the TOXIC things we do every single day.  I used to think ignorance was bliss, then it was slowly revealed to me that ignorance is not bliss, it's just being ignorant. Bliss is being informed. So, I have set out to slowly learn and absorb all that  I can in hopes to make our lives less toxic.  Some things are far from our control at this point, but there are so many changes we can make. 
If you know me at all, you know I am a nutrition/exercise/healthy lifestyle warrior. I don't take excuses, and I can't stand the mainstream view on "nutrition". Until recently, I had never really dug into our food supply and the real truths that are hiding. It's a work in progress, but we are learning a lot and making many changes along the way. Part of me wants to move out into the country with a few cows and chickens and grow every single thing that we eat, BUT I realize that is a little far fetched :) We will make our little changes and shop more mindful of what we are going to be eating. It's sad we have to work so hard to uncover truth.  I encourage you to LEARN as much as you can, so much of what we are eating is making us sick- and I don't just mean the tummy aches from too much Halloween candy!
Obviously another area that struck home was what we were doing for our health and wellness, and our big switch to essential oils. Such a blessing! We not only use oils for ailments and sickness, but also to clean the house, wash our face, for our toothpaste, etc.  Just think about everything that goes on your skin, and all the toxins your skin is absorbing and directing into your body, it makes my body hurt a bit! We also use oils in leiu of scented air fresheners and candles- yep they are toxic, too. Did you know scented pine cones are toxic?! For. The. Love! Thankfully we can make that scent in our diffuser all day :)
My nearest and dearest, anyone who likes this little blog, I just want to give you something to think about. Be thankful I have little ones pulling at my arms while I share with you :) I don't want to write a novel with studies and citing all of the carcinogens in our homes that we are devouring and breathing in every day, because that would just make us all a little crazy! Be aware, and be informed- don't live in ignorance. Lots of fun "less toxic" things are happening right now, if you want more direction. Plus, I like to chat about it! And, friends, get yourself some oils! :)

Halloween and 11 Months

When you get really behind, you start grouping big events together. Hence, we are going to cram our Halloween costumes and Edyn's 11 month celebration into one blog! Let's start with baby girl- 11 months?!?! WHEN did this happen? In just a few weeks, our baby will celebrate her first birthday. I am so thankful for all of the joy and happiness she brings our family every single day.  I could never feel unwanted or unloved because this sweet girl will not let me out of her sight! I love her snuggles and cuddles, and am thankful I have two big cuddlers now. She is starting to act more and more like big sister each day, we have two strong willed sisters! 
Edyn Rose absolutely adores her big sister and puppy brother, Bo. She wakes up asking for Bo every morning and will cry her little heart out if he tries to hide under the blankets from her sweet loving- I can't imagine why. Besides "Bo", she can say "thank you" and the usual "mama" and "dada".  She is SO sweet. She has the sweetest little cackling laugh! In the nursery at church, she lives in an umbrella stroller being pushed around until she falls asleep- I guess we can blame all of mommy's runs on that! She thinks Mickey and Elmo are great, but nothing can compete with her adoration of her big sis. She loves baby dolls and brushing her teeth. Her happiest time of day is in the bath tub! She wants to grow big like sis way too soon, but mommy wants time to slow down a bit!

Halloween was this past weekend, I really can't stand avid Halloween decorators.  We have had to avoid a certain route to the doughnut shop-stop that judging, we are marathon training here- this past month because a car wash down from our house that has a giant, waving monkey out front (who Em is convinced is her BFF) had a scary mask on that made Em cry! On our running route, I had to distract my girls so they didn't notice the GUILLOTINE in the front yard- seriously, people! However, we do love candy and it is such a fun age to dress up! I couldn't bring myself to a store bought costume, because in my fantasy world I am really crafty :) Like every other time, though, Wei came to the rescue with precious little costumes that jumped right out of my mind and into her sewing room. Our girls were Curious George and The Man in the Yellow Hat (I guess that is his proper name?!) They were super cuties, although once we began trick or treating, the yellow hat girl wouldn't wear the yellow hat. They are so much fun! So glad that holiday is over, bring on Christmas (yes, our tree went up Nov 1!)

Marathon Training Update

I am always hesitant to post anything related to this marathon training, afraid to "jinx" the ease of the training thus far. However, it's gone well and no matter what happens from here on out, I'm confident we will make it to the start line on December 13!
I always get a lot of questions about how I train, what plan I follow, etc- some of you guys think I know what I am doing, I really have no idea :) I simply run, and try to make each run productive. I don't do "junk" miles, what mom with 2 little ones has time for "junk" miles?! Not I.  I don't follow a plan created by a marathon master, my husband creates a little excel sheet with a rough training plan and I loosely follow that.  My runs are dictated by my two little bosses- when they are happy, tired, well, and more all plays into when/if our runs happen.  
Despite all of the uncertainties of training, it has actually gone really well. Now, I am NOWHERE near the speed I used to be, a PR is certainly out of the question this time around. Speed work will go into the equation if we have a "next time".  I have managed to avoid injuries, and am recovering remarkably well. I ran 18 miles last Saturday, and was able to pick up on Monday with a 9 miler pushing the girls in the jogger. I don't feel like I am over-training, so maybe I have found my mileage sweet spot.  
I would not post this if it really was not what I feel is my secret to recovery and injury prevention- ESSENTIAL OILS. I am not kidding, once again they are amazing. I take an epsom salt bath with oils post long runs, use a massage oil after every run and keep my Achilles lathered up to prevent injury there- it got tender when I started increasing mileage, however the pain has almost completely disappeared. Seriously amazing. Here's a little glimpse into my favorites. If you need these (if you are active at all, I promise you do) let me know :)

I was hesitant to train with my girls being so little, but I am glad I accepted the challenge. I love the conversations and sing-a-longs we have on our runs and hope they accept physical activity as a norm in their own lives. I don't feel like I spend unnecessary time away from them logging miles, they get special time with Lance on the weekend while I get a long run and quiet time, which is therapy for a mama! I am anxious to get over the 20 miler hump and see what this marathon has in store!

Our First Bike!

The past week at our home has been blissful (minus the baby coming down with a NASTY cold- hallelujah for the oils!). Wei and Peeps have been visiting and it has gone by extremely too fast. We are so thankful we got to visit with both of them and Peeps now has a much healthier back and is back in full fun mode :) 
The girls adore Wei and Peeps, and speaking on the grandparent's behalf I am pretty sure the feeling is mutual. Our big girl has been asking Peeps for a bike for a while now and Peeps was not going to disappoint. After big girl mailed her pacis off to the "little babies" and filled up a sticker chart for being a good girl for a week, a bike was the first thing on the agenda for the visit.  
Oh my goodness, my big girl grew up so much climbing on this big kid bike. She rides  it like she stole it, she is so strong! She has slept and eaten dinner while wearing her bike helmet, I would say she loves it. We have had some rain, mud, and cool weather so we have turned our garage into an indoor bike riding facility :) I would guess there's a few miles on the bike already!
Baby sister has had a blast this week, too. Although we are finishing it up with a pitiful sick baby, I am so thankful for the extra hands to help out.  She is coming out of this visit with a whole crew of new baby dolls :) 

Happy 10 Months!

Baby sister recently hit her 10 month milestone, and is such a big girl! She gets a little sweeter with each day that passes. She loves to play with her big sister more than anything, I love the little  bond they share :) She is taking more consecutive steps before falling every day, she's going to be running in no time! Big sister taught her to say "thank you" and she is a pro at doing "touchdown!" with her arms (we like football just a little in our home ;) ) We are getting better with night time sleep, but naps are getting shorter. This girl loves baby dolls so much, and will pick them to play over anything else.  Every day is such a joy watching our sweet baby grow up into such a big girl. I am so thankful to be this girl's mama!